Starry Sky :D

2011-09-17T20:26:00.000-07:00

EOYs are coming! :O Finishing geog essays.

Mug.
Must mug.

"You may think you've had it rough
And try to give it up
But when you think your stuck
Just go another way

Don't let go of good times and let the
Bad ones know you feel fine
And wear you heart out on your sleeve
Love is all
Love is all you need"

Advice - Christina Grimmie

K. That's all.

2011-09-13T06:57:00.000-07:00

Geog Test was today. Flunk ._. but nevermind. Everyone flunk in Y2.

If you didn't realise. Our cohort knows how to enjoy life and that's our strengths.
If you didn't realise. Our class knows how to be good to each other.
If you didn't realise. Our squad rocks to the core and nothing shall stop us :D
If you didn't realise. Soaring as one makes too much sense.

If you didn't realise a thousand things, then realise it know.

because i need you to realise that.

Pondering over something.
Why should humans constantly improve ourselves, when we live to die?

Why are humans so complicated creatures? o.O
I have absolutely no idea.

you're really sweet and nice, you may never fully understand the extent of gratfulness I hold to you. For helping me. In every single way...

You're so kind, it scares people, you know?

Soaring As One. Loves. Squad. Standard Twos.

2011-08-14T05:02:00.000-07:00

Facades. Illusions. Hiding behind a wall of emotions

LOL I'm updating more than usual (in a way)
Listening to National day rally :)

Finished my Geog Notes, since can't really study for Maths or Chinese anw :X
I'm always hiding behind my facade. Just that you can't see it and don't know about it.

Facades.

2011-08-06T23:13:00.000-07:00

My blog is so dead now. Havent been posting. More of dun wan post? :P LOL. When I read back on the past posts of the past blog, I feel dumb. How dumb. Very dumb. everything was seemed only to get attention. Is attention really so important? And I see it happened right now. in the same way. I can't say a thing, because I don't want to say anything.

The past doesn't matter. I just let go of you. And the people I used to hang on to for comfort and compassion. I don't need it. It doesn't matter if my heart grows cold. If the people around me are happy, I don't really mind (:

There are a thousand and one sorrys i wanted to say, yet didn't say. But it doesnt matter anymore.
I was just that insignificant.

Nothing really matters. No one understands my pain.

2011-05-28T06:42:00.000-07:00

Long long time no post.

KOTO today. Last day of sch yesterday. Last day of sch was the end of the stupid orders from XXXX and XX's slacking. and i'm happy to get revenge, because a spoilt rich brat like you deserves it.

KOTO was chim. seriously. (but the history was kinda interesting...kicked out, new home, kicked out, new home? like ??!?!! SERIOUSLY? then dissolve order, revive order, dissolve again, revive again. oh come on._.

After that went shopping with squaddies :D

you know, although it was a few minutes of talking, the sharp daggers already pierced my heart. ow.

why must all these happen? i don't understand.
is it that hard to be together?

does trying help anymore...? my life is screwed.
CCA. GPA. Social life. Everything is screwed.

Just die, life.

2011-05-14T05:38:00.001-07:00

Intra-comp was today. Well, shall not talk about it ._.

Except.

Good job aegis! We'll do better next time! :)

I promise you. I'll be there. I'll be there to see your cases and watch your footdrill. I'll be there to see you get what you want to get.

Okay. Don't feel like blogging.

2011-05-06T06:34:00.000-07:00

LOL long time no post! o.O

Today was. Speech day. Okay I guess. At least our drills were ...okay? Lol idk?
Then pop prac after that. Then went out with Charlotte Tan and Alisha :D To Parkway. Actually we did nothing but scream "OMIGOSH SOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTEEEEEEEEE" and all the shopowners gave us the 'O___O' look. Bought mother's day gift :D Then went library. Gender discrimination lors. All the fantasy books ALWAYS or MOSTLY is the MALES are main characters!!! D: GENDER DISCRIMINATION. i tell you, girls can be better emotionally, physically, whatever-cally better than guys so dun discriminate usssss xD. Then went home dreaming about drinking milk tea (WHICH I COULDN'T DRINK D: ) also, was thinking about intra comp which. FYI:

8 days later.
I feel scared, nervous already. :X hope. yes. and practice. yes X2.
Hope. Practice. Confidence. Everything actually.
I really do hope we do okay.
or we'll disappoint you and ourselves again. I'm sorry. bet no one sees this
God. Let us do good. Have been mugging FA/FD in my brain for milliseconds/seconds/minutes/hours/days/weeks/fortnights/months. Crap, i have to seriously STOP overworrying things and go p-a-r-a-n-o-i-d-y again (but that's what I do best -.-" ) God. please please please let us do acceptably well at the very least.

I shall continue trying my best, since it is the only thing I can do.
At the very least, I want to leave you a happy memory with us. At the very least...

Argh.

Ganbatte.
One more step away to success.

@Cheryl Ying: JIAYOU (: thx for your awesomezx tags
A random blank space:
@The-funny-weird-strange-random-mysterious-person who tagged: Thanks for your... whats the word to describe that comment... uhm... comfort? sheesh, no word to describe xD I don't exactly get what you mean so -.- lol at my stupidity :D

Haha (: Shall go mug again !!!'' I'm overly scared :X
bye for now then

2011-04-26T05:12:00.000-07:00

today is a weird day.
just one day, and there are tons of stuff I learnt.
"Mum, what are they doing to me?!"
"Mum they're ripping my legs off!!! Tell them to stop!!!"
When I read that on th ppt slide, tears were filling my eyes.

Okay I just deleted a whole paragraph containing insults to such heartless people. Imagine the paragraph yourself :P

Oh god. Humans are cruel beings.

I deleted yet another paragraph about another incident.

CPR is good exercise! :D

2011-04-21T18:51:00.000-07:00

Comp Train yesterday. Sigh. I shall not talk crap so... lol shall leave a random blank space
I'm really sorry.
I'm Sorry I haven't been the best I could.
I'm sorry I couldn't do it properly.
I'm sorry I couldn't follow your instructions no 1.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for you
I'm sorry for not forcing you to come down.
I'm even more sorry for not trying to ease your pain.
I'm sorry for saying those sensitive stuff you wish you could do. like ...sleeping. sorry.
I'm sorry for being so insensitive. I'm really horrible am I?
I'm sorry for not trying hard enough to make them study.
I'm sorry I couldn't make it high. I'm sorry, I can't do it. Sorry...I'm sorry I can't give you a simple pleasure like having it high. I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry for no doing so.
I'm sorry I don't have the courage
I'm sorry. Why dao us...? I...don't hate you at all. I don't even have the courage to say 'thank you' to you. for that one whole year trying so hard to guide us. And now we don't even like you/thank you. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I can't have the courage.
I'm really not that person you think me as.
I'm sorry I can't have that courage
I'm sorry I'm not trying hard enough.
I'm sorry...I can't meet your expectations
I'm sorry, don't treat me like this anymore.
I'm sorry, don't waste your effort on me. I am hopeless.
I'm...........sorry................for everything
Sigh. bye. nothing to say

2011-04-20T05:16:00.000-07:00

LOL. Electives choosing today. Wonder what will happen if sci soc members dun get tissue culturing :P Then I'll LMAO.
its curretly 8.17 -> 9.30 = 1h 13 min?
LOL

Why can't I ever have the courage to do what I want. Sometimes I do really doubt what I'm doing.

Pretending I never saw you, sensing you walk past and turning to look at you walk away is really painful indeed. Why...? Why do I always get scared when I see you? Why...? You did so much for me, taught me so much, and I can't even give you the simple pleasure like actually acknowledging you exist. and I give others that pleasure so easily... Sigh

Comp Train tmr again. Twice a week-ie. lol
Hope..............
hope.
hope.
I can't do one thing but hope.
I put in my best. Have you...?
The painful feelings from previous times.
Everything.
Why. must. you. do. this...?

What did I ever do...?
Courage.

Just a mere dream isn't it? I don't know

2011-04-19T05:54:00.001-07:00

Shall talk total crap today. If you understand the true meaning of these then congratz. coz they aren't really crap after all.

People really hate 'Mary Sues' in stories. If you don't know what that it: please refer to the following description:
You can check wiki for the chim-mest description -.-
Basically it's a character that is over-perfect.
Exotic hair/eye colour. PERFECT at sports plus arts plus everything. Saves the day all the time. Even if she has faults, it is PERFECT faults -.- like lol.

Usually used in fan-fiction/original characters.

I shall stop beating around the stupid blueberry bush and get straight to the point.
Mary Sues are awful, ridiculous, unrealistic, and horrifyingly perfect.

Perfection is impossible. But Mary Sues are just mere dreams of who they want to be isn't it? When I think of that, it's true. It really is.

lol thats so random.

Comp Train TODAY (:
Explained the theory of releasing stored highness energy to Cheryl Lau and Yan Shu. Which equals to -> Randomly singing songs, doing nasty mean things to see the suffering of others, saying ridiculous things in an awkward moment and doing absolutely out-of-norm things. Lol. Fill the the blanks yourself (this is a 5 mark question) <-whattt

__________ ______ _____ ____ _

Now, this is non-crap area.
Case was damn fail. spent like .... x minutes doing it. which equals to x+1 -1/2*2 minutes. which equals to x. so please infer. xD
TOC didn't break my hand too much ^-^ coz its my rightie. but very zai lor. i like doing. <3 (except for being overlyy heavy ._.) then lol at myself
i dont know why, it reminds me of orientation :P when I saw supposedly crazy people jumping up and down tables and wondering wth they were doing (spoiling the table perhaps...?) hm
FD was okay. but we never learn anything new again ): not that our drills are top-grade though

Tmr have history ambassodor thing. oh sigh sigh sigh.

Was in a very foul mood, then i decided to cheer up ^-^
CHERYL LOW JIA LI GWS (:

sometimes, I don't understand your purpose at all.

2011-04-17T06:34:00.001-07:00

haha busy week again. But i got used to it already so im okay ^0^ today slacked the whole day. tried to decide on my phone but couldn't ._. oh lol.

Yesterday was EFA. rawr it was okay. The judge for CPR damn nice (for a guy) he like cut me off while saying the last part "I will place casualty in recovery positio-" i was like " o.o" then he started telling me how i did wrong :P (including forgeting the area was supposedly notsafe/safe) the theory was fine. lol i screwed up some questions. :X And today some of us still late. I don't know whether it's retribution or what. As though banning us from wearing squad tee not enough... ah well. If that shirt is really not worth to get out from house a bit earlier, ah well, I can't do anything. (I also guilty a bit :P)

You really have no idea.

POP practice after that. Our dear squadmate started to be overstress. Nobody listening. Learn CHENGYU somemore. then read FA notes blabla talk, play iphone. lol it reminds me of last year... how the practices weere (instead of chengyu, it as animal farm) and just tons of awful words. I remember I also cried then, after everyone left... thinking loads of negative stuff. And staff yihfang came to comfort me ... ah well. That kind of painful feeling. I totally understand it. I can't do much, like it had always been. All i can do is jiayou you on. Because I did learn one thing 'words mean a lot'. staff yihfang's words that time, i remembered them. There are tons of lines and sentences I remember, whether bad or good. And that is why, I say to every soul who reads this, "use yours carefully" (as quoted from taylor swift ^-^ YAY ) lol

Please don't cry, it makes me cry too. You have no idea how sad it make me feel.

I shall not leak anything about POP here. coz there are STALKERS. S-T-A-L-K-E-R-S. stalkers.

NOTE: Every single information here is complain-proof xD

Somehow, I realise the experiences I had, those painful ones, are the ones that make me, me. Painful experiences. Quoted from my father: "make you relate more to people" when i had...uh..surgery. I guess it's true. Another thing I learnt.

"Make mistakes now. Later on, it will get harder with greater responsibility and even bigger consequences." From a great anime's quote. AHAHAHHAA I GOT SO MANY QUOTES TODAY xD

To Kill A Mockingbird is a real sin indeed. Except now is " To harm a mockingbird" when "Mockingbird" are your innocent people. aiya, analyse yourself lah! -.-

(yet another quote -.- that brings the total quote number to uhhhh 4? or 5?)

LOL gtg. bye

2011-04-12T06:15:00.000-07:00

Oh lol. I shall post today (for no apparent reason -.-)
Today: School

YLS was late for like half hour. And I was hoping TTM DUN HAVE TING XIE -.- but in the end =.= oh wlao. still had
LSP was okay. The brownie tasted funny ._.
Everything was okay. RS was okay.
Comp train was okay. idk totally wasn't in the mood today. Maybe coz of stress? overload of hw? Or more likely just dumb doubting pessimistic thoughts. Strangely, they aren't really pessimistic, they are true, in any case.

TOC broke my arm muscles -.- why is staff jaime so light yet so heavy. (see the contradiction? YEPP) Maybe coz i use leftie hand ._. (lucky for me I didn't screw up any strecher commands ^-^) Case was fine. I guess everyone still so inconfident. (So am I :X) Oh well, AEGIS JIAYOU.

My damn ulcer hurts. >.<

Sometimes I get sick of being nice and patient.

Lol.
Fine.
xD
BYE

2011-04-10T05:23:00.000-07:00

I just realised the deadness of my blog. o.O god. 10 march -> 10 april. one month LOLs :D

Have been entirely busy the entire month and this whole year. LOL I guess I'm totally not used to it, so Im pretty worn out and exhausted? o.o lol?

I'm sure the next years will be much worse and duh..

NA 3rd
NC 2nd
AA 2nd
AC 2nd

Everyone did the bestest of great accomplishment (sudden vocabluary) ! No idea why I went for NC and AA, just felt like I had to. Seeing their effort, their time put in. Idk why, I just had to go.

Is very happy and proud of DHSJAB and DHS. To be part of this CCA is really, how to put it? And even more, to be able to be part of DHS, is a true wonderful thing indeed. I totally saw how the teams' mentors literally went crazy and siao (until they drop to the floor [literally :X]) and I can't help but feel so...happy. lol My vocab fail :P

Saw camp groupings. Not a single person I know. Not even anyone from SJAB. D: which is saddening. But I have Gracel. I guess it's another chance to make more friends. To try be the person I never was. (hopefully)

There's a thousand and one things I would really die die want to write here. Class. Life. CCA. Family. But theres too little time -.-

Looking at the Nat Comp, I just can't help thinking "What if I would be in Comp Team?"
Look at the busy-ness
Look at the lessbondedness you will have with other squadmates.
Look at NA's Case, the screaming person.
Look at the happiness on the mentors' faces, the pure joy on the teams' face.

Is that worth fighting for? Sometimes things can't be answered. (at least, not now)
Although I do realise uh. some. circumstances. A big revelation. A huge misunderstanding. Cause peoples' already fragile dreams to break.

But I still want to try.

Part of me wants it, part of me doesn't. So which part of me is true? I don't know either.

Intra-comp and Aegis.
Our foot drill is really lagging behind, (already the 'receiving award' drill is damn cool ^-^ ) i wanna learn more cool drills! <3
Our cases equals the time needed for a random tortoise around the whole globe to travel 012474957638739203km. No idea why, I just can't seem to be like what in Std 1 Comp, Comp Trials. Maybe I'm rusty? :X HAHAHA seriously not confident about what I doing lols ._.
Humans just can't seem to treasure things until they are gone right? Even with this knowledge and thousand experiences on it, we just don't treasure anything.
Not that I completely regret that. It's a new chance, a new beginning.
Somehow, our condition improved.

(although I certainly dislike thinking back about ... <- fill in the blank yourself -.- )

We are independent. This phrase means a lot.

I think about how Cheryl, Jing Yi, YanShu and me, mug together for FA. Our hopes. Our new confidence. Our new start. Our effort.

This year has already been ups and downs. (NOT EVEN HALFWAY THROUGH xD) Much crying already ._. oh lol. Much more laughter.

someday, I'm sure, my efforts will pay off. Because you told me that too. Until then. I'll keep trying.

Courage. Confidence. Resilience. Strength. Patience. And of course, Hope (:

2011-03-10T03:26:00.001-08:00

You will never know.

2011-02-12T01:12:00.000-08:00

Ha~ I see my blog pic and kinda emo. Now Im probably not even a star. Nor anything worth it.

just unable to shine now

Sigh. Don't feel like talking about it here anyway

2011-02-05T22:59:00.000-08:00

Somehow I'm dreading Saturday. Sigh X120934892356387

I just dont feel like trying anymore since trying my best doesnt make a damn difference. ._.

2011-02-04T05:05:00.001-08:00

2nd day of CNY! :D

nothing much. Same as last year. and the year before. and the year before -.-

HAHA :D then at nite walked with parents very long. bought that weird vitamin water to try. Okay, it didn't taste so bad -.- read the zodiac predictions thingy for me :D maybe it made a bit of sense, maybe it didnt -.-

ah well. I was watching some anime, got me thinking

what's the point of having hands when your hands can't save anyone?

okay.
Sometimes I just wish I never existed. These hands of mine. That can't do anything. Should be given to people who need them more.

I'm never able to have enough courage to do what I want. Sometimes some things can't be changed. Just leave it that way. Then why must I be so stubborn and try so hard to change that?

My hands can't even comfort you when you' re sad. I can't do anything at all. Sigh.

There's no point in reaching my hand towards you when you'll never grab it, will you?

2011-02-01T04:49:00.001-08:00

Nothing much happened today lol ._.

Raining as usual.

Uh. LOL. Thinking about STP again. Sheesh stupid project :P

AND THE SQUARE FISHBALLS WERE A JOKE FOR GOD'S SAKE >.< I WASN'T SERIOUS.
why else would I put a "xD" in my status arh.

Went to buy plants lor. Got red one, pink one and my tiny meplant. :D (from science) me-plant. :D I FEEL SO LAME :D HAHA

tmr half-day :D omg. a break :D

2011-01-31T05:02:00.001-08:00

Today: one word: COLD
now: two words: so bored
later: three words: about to rain
later's later: four words: about to rain again
tmr: five words: it's raining non stop again.

Okay bah. Science was pretty fun. nothing much i guess. Met Charlotte and Yong Li to go home :D talked about random stuff.

Who knew there was a Hera-Seri-Bene outing.

God. Even Jenova and Hera making effort...unlike... *inserts the word*
okay nvm forget it.

I used to associate your face with the words "nice" and "angelic". Now the only words I can link to you is "stern" and "cold"

What the heck happened to you? You used to smile so much in the past? Was that all fake? All you did in the past, is that it? The end of the story?

You've. Changed.

My heart still hurts from the memories and thinking that it was all fake. All acting. All on purpose.
Why?

I can't trust anyone anymore

Post Created Jan 29, 2011 9:40:48 AM

2011-01-28T17:40:00.001-08:00

Sorry people haven't been myself lately.

My bro got rejected from VJC. Hmmm ):

Now what? Emo lor.

People are just that selfish. Only caring about themselves. It's prb human natural behavior.

You'll never understand the pain of being hit over and over again. And leaving coz you weren't strong enough.

That guilt.
Makes me able to put myself in others shoes easily.
Makes me never being able to leave anyone alone again. Because I understand that pain.

I don't want anyone to feel that way anymore.

Coz. It had hurt.

I shall just take this time to heal my broken heart.

2011-01-28T03:42:00.000-08:00

MY NEW BLOG (:
Today went RP for the launch of Scientific Thinking Programme. Hey it was fun ._.
Advisor was some random teach who lectures on bio o.o -> means our project shud be on bio -.-

Skipped last RT with instructors ): Some leaving to go take Std 1s D:
So next activity is like Chinese New Year :D

equals to:
*enters house*
OH HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! *says the same thing in chinese*
*exchanges mandarin oranges*
*sits down and watches parents talk to relatives in dialect and continue stoning*
*gets bored and restless*
*people offers snacks and CNY goodies, paiseh therefore -> accept goodies and eat and grow fat*
*LOL!!!

I realize how good my sci soc friends are. Everyone thinks so sensibly. They understand the phrase with every action comes gains and consequences

2011-01-28T03:15:00.001-08:00

My new bloggie~~~ (: HELLO PEOPLE OF EARTH.